Aug 05 2008
Heiress.
Socialite.
Panty protester.
Political figure???
Paris Hilton releasing yet another <ahem> viral video on National Underwear Day? That’s ironic.
The fact that it’s hilarious? Now, that is H-O-T.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrxqY0BlgII]
In answer to the question of “Funny or Die?”, I say let them live.
Jul 21 2008
Some people dismiss Brooke Hogan as the low-talent bi-product of a ‘wrestling match’ between her parents, Hulk and Linda. That may be true but don’t count her out just yet.
In addition to mediocre musicianship, she can now count time travel as one of her super powers.
You see, she just set the women’s movement back about 50 years or so. Here’s a sampling of the chanteuse’s unconscientious objections:
You know what – I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal on emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff.
Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ’cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?
Needless to say, I take exception to the above statement regardless of whether or not it applies for yours truly.
Fatwah, leg drop, euthanasia… you decide. Regardless of methodology employed for the laying down of the smack, it’s time to chlorinate the gene pool.
Don’t take my word for it: see for yourself.
Nov 08 2007
“I met my boyfriend at the airport last month.”
That statement looks simple enough but like most things in life, the true meaning is open to interpretation. To wit:
➥ The narrator is romantically involved in a serious enough capacity that the threshold of tentative exclusivity* had been crossed. (Travel concierge services are typically reserved for phase 2** or 3*** of a relationship.)
➥ A flame was kindled in a TSA detention cell – an impressive feté of personal chemistry considering lighters are contraband in any international airport of significance.
➥ Hypothetically, one could imagine mutual literary pursuits forging a connection. While not ‘literally’ ‘official’ it wouldn’t take a rocket surgeon to figure that several indicators symptomatic of a figurative phase 2 were present.
Let’s re-cap:
Phase 1*
Beta Faze
Phase 2**
Two individuals wearing synchronous dopey/addled looks as if in a constant state of running open-armed-daisy-field marathons.
Phase 3***
Flannel pajama pants are donned in lieu of wearing make-up. (Well for women that is… men wearing makeup is usually a pre-cursor to phase 4b****.) Shlep and fetch duties have become an unspoken mandate.
Phase 4a
Happily ever after – two individuals fuse to form a collective entity. (Oh Whitnard- if only I had the time and motivation for a photoshoperama session.)
Phase 4b****
Unhappily ever after – while I am very supportive of alternative lifestyles I, personally, do not wish to date a man who would borrow, stretch and ruin any of my favorite apparel. (A provisional exemption was granted once for Halloween but I don’t see that permit being renewed.)
